One of the things that made me realise that enough is really enough was the realisation that simple pleasure of life were fast becoming chores! This might come across as slightly funny to some, then again, some people may better understand why drastic actions were required.
HELP, I NEED TO BUCKLE MY SHOES!
Ever had to get help to buckle your shoes because you can't quite bend over as adeptly as you used to? I remember how many time I changed my mind about wearing a particular shoe because I had noone to help buckle the shoe (except, Chidi... and I would rather die than admit to him that I am so fat that I can't buckle my shoes! I have shoes that have gathered dust simply because I can't be bothered with the awkwardness!
MY NAVEL, IS IT STILL THERE?
Simple pleasures. If we didn't have mirrors my navel would be a myth! LOL!! I just hope that the flab will go so I can see my long lost "akpu otubo"!
THE SEAT-BELTS ON THE PLANE HAVE SHRUNK!
You will not understand what it means to get apprehensive before a flight, not because you are scared of flying, but because you hope the chairs will be large enough for your derriere! LOL!! Then the damn seat belt gets to its end and you are yet to be 'covered'! I took to extending the seatbelt to it's very end before I even try to fasten. Then I would look up and glare at the people who are staring at me (they always stare!) and look them over smugly when I have managed to hear the click sound!
IS THERE A CLEAVAGE DEODORANT?
Yes. It actually smells. I guess busty people have always known that. But for us who grew large to match our new dress sizes, it came as a rude shock.
HOW DO YOU LOSE WEIGHT ON YOUR HEAD?
I saw a picture of myself and my Mom and I wondered why my head was so big!? Before now I thought we could only add weight on our bodies and maybe the chin... But the entire head? How do you lose weight there? LOL!!! I mean is there a head exercise? Like, "swing/oscillate your head 75 times a minute to lose 200 head calories"! LWKMD.
I have more... Maybe later!
3 comments:
This is really funny in a serious kind of way but u have to start somewhere ..and it can be done . I recently saw a pic of American Idol Reuben Studdard and he had lost 150 pounds ..Very encouraging !
I know what you mean, Bisi. Ndi Igbo have a saying that "bad" (in this case, "the wrong") things are funny. Thats the closest I can come to translating that within this context.
Anyway, Ulo, i assure you that you do gain weight in the head and as such, can lose it. I'm not talking of the cranium itself, but the weight that is added on to the cheeks, jowls, even on the upper face, making the head bigger. How do I know this? I was looking at my 10 year old who is in one of those stretch-and-grow-taller stages of growth. I called Kechi and I was like, has Tara's face shrunk? We dug up older pictures and indeed, her face had gone down as she lost the weight. So just continue doing whatever juju you are doing with strange potions and herbs and roots, but also continue dieting and exercising and I'm sure your head will shrink eventually without oscillating it right off your neck!
Uloma, Biko don't kill me with laughter . Very nice write up and actually very true .
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