My people, there is nothing funny in what I am about to share. This desperation will put me in trouble o!
WEDNESDAY WATER
Well, I did promise that I will be obedient to what ever I am asked to do. So I do my weigh-in and I lose .5kg and am unhappy. Then I am encouraged not to despair... there is a magic solution. The solution is a magic potion guaranteed to "shift" the scale! Hmm! So here I am looking at these people who are obviously "singing my song"! I so want to shift the scales, to see those numbers drop off, to wear my jeans and feel like they belong to someone else... someone bigger than me. Of course I was going to drink the magic potion.
I should have worried when she said, "Be sure that you are somewhere that you can lie down!". I may not have heard her well... Or maybe my intentions blocked out the real impact of what she was saying. But I didn't listen...
OSU GBUDU-GBUDU (TURMOIL)
The potion was not like water. If anything it looked like anything but water. It was brown. It had herbs and "things" in it. It was a small teacup measure of this 'lethal' fluid. (I was just about to discover how lethal!!) I would have liked to discuss the odour of this potion but I have no clue. I just pinched my nose shut and downed the stuff... In less than 20 mins, my tummy began to rumble and gripe. I made it to the parlour in time to tell Bube what I had just done. "If anything happens to me, tell your Daddy what I did, ok?
From 8 pm to 8 am I must have made about 15 "dizzy" visits to the loo. I was dehydrated, tired, weak, uncomfortable and sick as a dog! Not a nice night!
LOST 1.5KG OVERNIGHT!
I was not surprised!
5 comments:
Kai - I was about to question this 'potion', but then saw the bit about losing 1.5kg overnight, and....well, I still want to ask, is it safe? It’s a lot to lose in one night, or maybe I am missing something…..and the dizzy visits....And what did Bube say?
Chikere
Hmmmm....Sake'm?...(in a quivering voice)...this lethal potion?...well,i will cheer you on dear,but????...pls. dont be desperate?..it will come off gradually?..you are doing great already?....i guess 1.5kg over night is mega progress.pls. be careful.on the flipside,'wouldnt mind taking a lil bit of it too?..lol!you are brave!jisike!
I am still breathing guys... And the effect of the potion has worn off! Was a nightmare... won't be repeated!
Uloma, you are scaring the living daylights out of me. 1.5kg in a single night? You want to be alive to enjoy your weight loss, right? Are these people medically certified? What on earth could make someone purge out 1.5kg in one night? Nne, nwayo o! I DO NOT approve of this thing!!! Full stop.
"Aunty, you must continue this Wednesday water o! The tablets and teas are there to break down the fat but this water is designed to flush it out! And you know that the weight is still much!" Sorry guys, we gotta still do this again on Wednesday next week... I like the flush thing.
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