There is a wicked part of a human being that takes a fiendish delight in seeing others fail. You don't plan it. You don't see it coming. You don't want to do it. You deny it even... It is that part of you that you treat in the third person, "Stop it oh! It is not good to be like that oh!" Any Christian will be able to relate to that. That part of you that insists on doing things that you do not want it to. Apostle Paul addressed it eloquently in Romans (?). But I digress!
So, this was me, the "Failure of the Year", 3 years running! I was now hearing that one of the icons of weight-watching in Lagos had gotten into an overwhelming fight with the same thing she made money from, by making people "exercise discipline". She had told me during a consultative session once, "Uloma, you do everything else so well. You are disciplined about your career, your family and your faith... why not your health and weight!?" Rather than encourage me, that statement became a consolation to me. I felt, well if I am doing notably well in other things, then a one out of four failure is not terrible. Besides, I don't want people "hating on me!" as the girl who's got everything!
Hmmmph! The mind is a horrible thing.
So, I repent today of smiling under my breath when Madam Grace, my office cleaner came to share this little bit of gossip. I repent of the gladness in my heart that this didn't have to be a lonely journey after all. She was going to need a friend, a partner, a co-struggler in this old fight. I repent of feeling the tongue-stuck-out "I-told-you-so" wickedness that crowns the winner of an argument. (Even though there was really no argument. She was right. I was not disciplined about my weight). I repent of being happy when my other co-sojourners take that chocolate bar when I offer it. I repent of smiling happily when I reach for the biscuit on the shop aisle and see people just as fat or fatter than I am doing the same.
I repent of every wickedness...
God grant me... weight loss :)
3 comments:
The Germans have a word for this schadenfreude - the feeling of joy from the misfortune or failure of others. We all experience it and we all feel guilty about it too. You're human.
Glad I'm human... Now can I become a slim human like you?
The heart of "woman" is inherently wicked! When you recognize......and repent, then have you conquered.....God has granted you 'weight loss'...even if it is in the things of the mind😊
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