This is not my usual blog post since
it has merry little to do with my everlasting, long-drawn-out, never-ending
weight loss program. But then again, maybe it has everything to do with it. The
whole quest for losing weight is after all as a result of a certain type of
self love. I want to be healthy. I want to be a size that is fashionably
acceptable. (Will come back to this) I want to look fierce! I want to turn
heads (for the right reasons) I want to run up staircases and not pant like I'm
dying. I want to enter a room and "know" that my size is not the
whispered topic on most lips. I want to really love myself... because I love
myself.
But this is not about orobo-sizing, no.
Today I want to discuss self-love. Two famous quotes come to mind when I think
of loving oneself. But before I go into those I want to say quickly that, I
don't know about you but whenever I think self-love I almost immediately
imagine selfishness. Why? I don't know for sure. Maybe it is the unspoken
suggestion that whenever the prefix "self" is used it suggests
self-centeredness. Frankly I believe that self-love and selfishness exist in
the same continuum, just various degrees of positivity or/and negativity. Aha,
now you see it... Self-love can be a very positive thing where you understand
that you are a "temple" of God and are therefore kind to yourself;
spirit, soul and body. You are at peace with who you are and most likely exude
positive vibes also. People love you and want to be around you. Or perhaps you
are at the negative end when the self-love becomes absolute selfishness and
self-centeredness. When it is "all about you!" Most people are in
denial bout how self-centered they are so I will introduce a quick quiz. If you
answer yes to 3 out of these 5 questions then you are selfish, self-centered,
almost getting to the point of disgusting.
- Most times you find yourself thinking (or saying), “when will mine come?” or “what about me?”
- When you hear a story you immediately relate it to yourself. “If it was me…”
- You see a friend’s new outfit, friend, car… anything, and first thought (or retort) is, “I have something exactly like that!” or “That’s like something I did last year” etc
- It doesn’t matter what party you are with, once you are comfortable and fine, then everything is fine. (Everyman for himself)
- You can’t really answer honestly about any other person’s likes or dislikes. Not even people close to you
What did you score? See? It's a really
delicate balance...
"Learning to love yourself is
the greatest love of all..." Whitney Houston belted these lyrics out in
her familiar, strong and powerful voice, charging us to teach the young ones
how to love themselves. I wish she had listened to her sermon and maybe she
would be with us today still. Or then again maybe she believed her sermon too
much that she selfishly veered into various acts of drug abuse. Drugs, like
food and alcohol addiction start from a desire to quench a self-satisfying urge.
Then the urge becomes a constant need that ends up as a habit. The
"self" and the desires therefore are continually satisfied, to the
detriment of health, propriety, decency and decorum. I believe strongly that
man's default, without an anchor (be it societal values, Christ, recourse to
the expectations of others) is to hurt himself. It is not always about holding
a gun to your head... Sometimes suicide can be slow and painless...
intoxicating and sweet to the taste buds.
"Love your neighbor as
yourself" That is from the Bible. At first I thought to myself can that
really happen? But then again, it is a charge so it MUST happen. So what
happens to those that love themselves exceedingly? Then you must love your
neighbor exceedingly too. Love… Ha-ha… that word! I wrote once on the
difference between love and care. I said in that write-up that I’d rather be
“cared for” than “loved” the way the world loves. Frankly speaking, most people
care for themselves. They go out of their way to ensure their comfort. They
notice when they have needs that must be met, and satisfy them… hunger,
shelter, knowledge, fellowship, health, you name it. But to others, they show
love by tossing things from afar. Money. Gifts. Occasional attention. Other
legitimate demands. That’s not care A.K.A love! Care happens when you feel the pain
that your ‘caree’ the one you care for J ) feels. You feel and
hare in everything that concerns them, as though they were happening to you!
You worry when they have not eaten. You ask why they are downcast. You notice
when they are unhappy. You sincerely follow up on things they are anxious
about. You cheer them up when they fail. You advise them when they are
confused. You search their face and you know their hearts and therefore you
give them love (and care). Love requires sacrifice. Man hates to sacrifice…
Another default of man is the desire to indulge, indulge some more, then
over-indulge.
As this season winds to an end I am
hoping, as I am sure you are too, that through a full year of continual commitment to exercise and various
types of weight-watching therapies, I may have learned more about denial and
sacrifice. Less is more! I hope I have learned to love more… to care more. I
hope I have been committed in the relationships I have with family and with
friends. I hope I have inspired the younger ones. I know that I have learned to
be content in little and in plenty.
Above all, I hope I have pointed
people to Christ, the Way, the Truth and the Light! So help me God!
Happy New Year my friends!
16 comments:
Interestingly enough, there would have been a time when I would have scored 4 out of 5 on that quiz. Contentment is learned ....and earned, really, as iT doesnt come easy. My contentment came with prioritizing my commitment to God and my faith. Everything else took second place. Self love..hmm. I do agree that there are two sides to this. It could be positive or negative. You love yourself enough to be content or you love yourself to such excess as leads to overindulgence, in whatever form. But does overindulgence not also indictate the filling of a hole, an emptiness?
Ulo, you can see you've got me thinking today. I'll post again when I unravel my thought process.
Now you have got me thinking too. I remember getting to the end of this post thinking, no this isn't done yet. I hope you and the others who will read this will help extend the message a little more.
I think the first thing is to love yourself first and appreciate God's upon you . If you love yourself you can enjoy life and be able to love others and have an open heart to share and care for others . Honestly I must confess I love myself, that is why I always have "me day ". 😃
Chinwe you need to teach me how to do that "me day" thing! If that becomes the yardstick for measuring self-love then I will fail woefully. I am really worried about how little time (and other resources) that I spend on myself. Will be calling you up in the next year for lessons... and guidance.
I got this tip on "me day " from one of those training sessions . We spend so much time / resources caring and loving others that you forget about yourself. How much love can you really give when you can't love yourself. I also think that people show you more love when they see how much you love your self. But mind you some people overdo the self love that it turns into selfishness. At least one day in a week for a "me day " isn't too bad.( winking my left eye)
I got this tip on "me day " from one of those training sessions . We spend so much time / resources caring and loving others that you forget about yourself. How much love can you really give when you can't love yourself. I also think that people show you more love when they see how much you love your self. But mind you some people overdo the self love that it turns into selfishness. At least one day in a week for a "me day " isn't too bad.( winking my left eye)
I love the self-love topic and love the statement you wrote "I want to really love myself... because I love myself". I truly believe this is where it all begins. Self-love is where it begins. Self-love affects our relationships with others. It begins with how we feel about ourselves and not how others choose to see us.
It happens when we look in the mirror. What do you see first ? Eyes that sparkle with intelligence or thighs that jiggle? A smile that can light up a room or a stomach that refuses to be flat? Do you notice the “bad” before the good?
It is easy to focus on what we perceive as our flaws instead. You might find yourself feeling more disappointment than love when you view your reflection, however that can change and 2016 is a good time to make a change especially when you look at the benefits because cultivating a loving relationship with yourself is where it all happens. This is where you grow.
I am going to speak from a female perspective about females. Most of us give so much to others that we have nothing left for others. Self-love allows you to regulate through self-care. You love yourself you take care of yourself. You can't give from an empty cup even though we sometimes try as females.
To grow in our relationships with ourselves and others we have to practice self-love and cultivate an intimate and loving relationship with ourselves.
Making peace with your body through gratitude is a great place to start. Appreciate the body you have. Take pride in your gracefulness. Find satisfaction in your strength. Revel in your body’s capacities.
No matter how you feel about your body. It carries you proudly to all the places you care about and for that you should show appreciation. And that’s just the beginning of what your awesome body has done for you and will continue to do for you. Give your current body the respect it deserves. You’re likely to find more to appreciate than you may realize.
Let's do our best to be a good example to those around us. The way we think about ourselves, talk about ourselves, and treat ourselves influences those around us. If we constantly obsess over things we feel are “wrong” with our bodies, we will teach your children and the young ones around us to do the same. Instead, lets show them that we love ourselves just the way we are.
If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. We are all beautiful and deserve to be treated well - especially from ourselves.
Let's start with ourselves and encourage others to do the same. It might require practice but it can be done and the benefits are well worth it.
Happy New Year Fabulous ladies.
I always believe there is always a thin line between self love positively and then self centeredness which is the negative side to it..judging my human self with the test above perhaps a 2 out of the 5, however, i'm from the school of thought that believes "rejoice with them that rejoice and mourn with them that mourn", which sort of interpretes my version of "love" to be "giving"..so, yes, I love myself so darn much and i'm happy enough to want the same thing for my "neighbour"..weather the recieeving party accepts in the same light is another thing though, but self love, care, give, etc run in the same vein in my world... trust us on the other hand to complicate and over think some simple God created concepts right???
Great post, really insightful. It is indeed a fine line between self-love and selfishness. In my case, I love myself so much that I typically prefer my own company to anyone else's. The result is that I am extremely selfish with my time - I very rarely attend social stuff or visit people aside from family and a few really close friends. I tell myself that I am just being true to my introverted personality, but I know that much of the time I am using that as an excuse not to give more of my time to other people. Finding the balance is the challenge. It's a work in progress, the New Year resolution that is never crossed off the list (lol).
Thanks for always inspiring me with your weight loss journey and a lot of other stuff. Happy New Year!
Awesome comments. I learn a lot from you all.
Chinwe, I will for certain be pracicing some "Me" stuff. Maybe they will be in terms of time, or maybe in terms of development or arm candies... but I will be deliberate about "loving myself".
Kwavi... so right about the looks. Looking "the part" will always be a major focus for me. I really wish I could be more committed to it for longer... unwavering. I am getting there!
But in my love for myself, I have learnt to add my falls and failures into my journey style. I fall... and then I rise. On the whole... the graph has a downward spiral, even if it is an undulating one. I "moved" a lot more this year than ever before. I drank more water this year than ever before. I do believe that the lifestyle change is gradually happening.
Uzoamaka, my sis... You will be surprised at the number of people that do not know how to be happy for others, or share sadness empathetically. I found myself teaching someone recently, an adult o, that he should actually say something like, "ndo" or "sorry o" to someone who is displaying pain. He didn't know. Or wouldn't do it... same difference. The acknowledgement and actual show of love is the "care" I speak about.
Joanna, I inspire you? Wow!!! That's hard to imagine. I just look at you and I am in awe of your sense of balance and peace! I guess we are all work in progress... God bless you too!
Yes we all have to add our falls and failure in our journey. That is how we learn and that is part of being true to ourselves.
I love that you celebrated your journey this year by writing the things you were proud of like drinking water, moving more (major accomplishments albeit challenging in my book) when striving to becoming healthier. When we take the time to stop and acknowledge our
I agree with you the lifestyle change is happening and I'm glad you are noticing it and as the year comes to end you have an opportunity in 2016 to build upon what you have accomplished in 2015. Keep on rocking it.
P.S. I love your transparency in your writings.
Every comment has added something extra to this writeup. It would have been very incomplete in itself but for all the commentary - very un-Uloma like!
Kwavi, u sure hit the nail on the head! Ijay, u still thinking about this? I need ur followup comment fast!
Tx for writing Ulo. U put into words thots thar we don't fully process.
What part was un-Uloma-like... let me read this entry again sef!
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