I LOVE TO LOVE "ME" BABE...

This is not my usual blog post since it has merry little to do with my everlasting, long-drawn-out, never-ending weight loss program. But then again, maybe it has everything to do with it. The whole quest for losing weight is after all as a result of a certain type of self love. I want to be healthy. I want to be a size that is fashionably acceptable. (Will come back to this) I want to look fierce! I want to turn heads (for the right reasons) I want to run up staircases and not pant like I'm dying. I want to enter a room and "know" that my size is not the whispered topic on most lips. I want to really love myself... because I love myself.

But this is not about orobo-sizing, no. Today I want to discuss self-love. Two famous quotes come to mind when I think of loving oneself. But before I go into those I want to say quickly that, I don't know about you but whenever I think self-love I almost immediately imagine selfishness. Why? I don't know for sure. Maybe it is the unspoken suggestion that whenever the prefix "self" is used it suggests self-centeredness. Frankly I believe that self-love and selfishness exist in the same continuum, just various degrees of positivity or/and negativity. Aha, now you see it... Self-love can be a very positive thing where you understand that you are a "temple" of God and are therefore kind to yourself; spirit, soul and body. You are at peace with who you are and most likely exude positive vibes also. People love you and want to be around you. Or perhaps you are at the negative end when the self-love becomes absolute selfishness and self-centeredness. When it is "all about you!" Most people are in denial bout how self-centered they are so I will introduce a quick quiz. If you answer yes to 3 out of these 5 questions then you are selfish, self-centered, almost getting to the point of disgusting.

1.        Most times you find yourself thinking (or saying), “when will mine come?” or “what about me?”
2.        When you hear a story you immediately relate it to yourself. “If it was me…”
3.        You see a friend’s new outfit, friend, car… anything, and first thought (or retort) is, “I have something exactly like that!” or “That’s like something I did last year” etc
4.        It doesn’t matter what party you are with, once you are comfortable and fine, then everything is fine. (Everyman for himself)
5.        You can’t really answer honestly about any other person’s likes or dislikes. Not even people close to you

What did you score? See? It's a really delicate balance...

"Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all..." Whitney Houston belted these lyrics out in her familiar, strong and powerful voice, charging us to teach the young ones how to love themselves. I wish she had listened to her sermon and maybe she would be with us today still. Or then again maybe she believed her sermon too much that she selfishly veered into various acts of drug abuse. Drugs, like food and alcohol addiction start from a desire to quench a self-satisfying urge. Then the urge becomes a constant need that ends up as a habit. The "self" and the desires therefore are continually satisfied, to the detriment of health, propriety, decency and decorum. I believe strongly that man's default, without an anchor (be it societal values, Christ, recourse to the expectations of others) is to hurt himself. It is not always about holding a gun to your head... Sometimes suicide can be slow and painless... intoxicating and sweet to the taste buds.

"Love your neighbor as yourself" That is from the Bible. At first I thought to myself can that really happen? But then again, it is a charge so it MUST happen. So what happens to those that love themselves exceedingly? Then you must love your neighbor exceedingly too. Love… Ha-ha… that word! I wrote once on the difference between love and care. I said in that write-up that I’d rather be “cared for” than “loved” the way the world loves. Frankly speaking, most people care for themselves. They go out of their way to ensure their comfort. They notice when they have needs that must be met, and satisfy them… hunger, shelter, knowledge, fellowship, health, you name it. But to others, they show love by tossing things from afar. Money. Gifts. Occasional attention. Other legitimate demands. That’s not care A.K.A love! Care happens when you feel the pain that your ‘caree’ the one you care for J ) feels. You feel and hare in everything that concerns them, as though they were happening to you! You worry when they have not eaten. You ask why they are downcast. You notice when they are unhappy. You sincerely follow up on things they are anxious about. You cheer them up when they fail. You advise them when they are confused. You search their face and you know their hearts and therefore you give them love (and care). Love requires sacrifice. Man hates to sacrifice… Another default of man is the desire to indulge, indulge some more, then over-indulge.

As this season winds to an end I am hoping, as I am sure you are too, that through a full year of continual commitment to exercise and various types of weight-watching therapies, I may have learned more about denial and sacrifice. Less is more! I hope I have learned to love more… to care more. I hope I have been committed in the relationships I have with family and with friends. I hope I have inspired the younger ones. I know that I have learned to be content in little and in plenty.

Above all, I hope I have pointed people to Christ, the Way, the Truth and the Light! So help me God!

Happy New Year my friends! 

LOSING CONTROL...

“I did that?” “I said what!!?” “No way I could have said that!” (Your word against theirs... but truth is, you ca't quite remember)
Why would I want to lose my sanity for even an instant? Why would I want to be temporarily mad? Why would I want to lose control of my self and senses?

Drinking to get drunk is not an “ability”. It is a disability, or at best an inability to be in control of one’s self and discipline.  I have seen where men boast about their ability to “hold their drink”. Some consider such in terms of cans and bottles consumed. Some in terms of man-hours spent drinking. Waste. No matter how you look at it… it is wasteful!

The inability to watch or control what goes into the mouth is exactly the same! Whenever I add weight I find that the root cause is in the lack of discipline and “reigning myself in”. It is in the “willful” deciding to have small chops at 10.00 p.m at a party. Or in deciding to finish off that chocolate bar before you sleep. It is in the steady arm “press-up” from pack (of whatever) to mouth. Sometimes, it is popcorn, chinchin, chips or sweets. Mindless eating. Like mindless drinking… reaching for the 4^th bottle of champagne.

Satisfying one’s urge to drink and get drunk is not a luxury, it is an absurdity when a conscious man allows his weaker side supersede, or even worse when he makes excuses for it! I believe that we are on the mend when we admit first that there is a problem. It is called, “telling yourself the truth”. You sit yourself down and agree that there must be a problem with you if you are consistently losing yourself to your “urges”. Maturity and adulthood demand that excessiveness is curtailed. When we were young, certain thoughts and acts were permissible and could be overlooked but as we age they become pretty disgusting and unacceptable.

Then there is the effect on the children! The reason I get up everyday and try again to lose some kilos is because I would love to be a mother that my children are proud to show off. Like, why not? Rather than them be at the butt of “your Mama’s so fat…” jokes, can they perhaps be the, “Your mom’s so cool…” kinda kids? I work hard at this weight predominantly for that reason. “Your Dad’s never drunk. He is not like the others!” “I like the way your Dad leaves the party before things get long and boring…leaving only the uncles that want to get drunk before they go home!” Some of the comments I have heard from the children are even more judgmental.

Can we all be role models? Perhaps not. But can we all strive to be? Yes I think so. Frankly that is the true show of love. The choice to sacrifice for our children and the young ones looking at us, not to let ourselves be motivated by our base urges but rather by the greater good. That puffpuff may look like a harmless bun, but that deep-fried demon can only be rid after 30 mins on the treadmill, so why pop it in the mouth? That last glass of champagne “for the road” may well be the one that kills the hope the child had that her Dad, or Mom is different.

And on top of all that… It piles on the calories!