IF I WAS THIN!

So I woke up later to realise that it was a dream and that I am still that slim “Agbani” trapped in a fat body!

When you kneel down to pray, count your blessings, name them one by one, and make sure number 3 or 4 (top 5 sha) is “Thank God that I can dream when I sleep”. That is the alternate world. The world that defies every form of reality, gravity, weight and size.  In my dreams I am a super-model. I am a young super-model. Heck, I am a ravishing beauty that turns heads when I sway down the street singing melodies in my head as I step, “I’m every woman, it’s all in me…!” SWING SWING. My favorite song that gives me the best bounce when I catwalk is the Classic Queen Latifah rap… “DESIRE, I know you want me. You’re fine! Thank You… But I’m not the type of girl you think I am, I don’t jump into the arms of every man…!” STEP STEP - SWAY HIPS  - SWAY HIPS. Wink. Flirts. Smile.  Wake up, Loms!!!!!

Anyway, thank God for dreams. And God save us from some of these dreams...

A major deterrent to losing weight is the fear of what I will become. A ga na ejim eji! (Translation: Somebody stop me!) I have always wondered why people don’t wear short suits to work. Come on! Backless. Strapless. Kneeless… Many “lesses”!!!  Would I be able to resist the temptation to dress more provocatively. Be more daring in my hair-cuts and platform heights? Would “fitted” dresses take a new Marilyn Monroe meaning?

Come. Wait o!

Is it only bad-bad things I want to do when I am slim? You see naah! It brings to mind the things that happen when people get rich, innit? They never admit it but it is the bad-bad things that they have been coveting and they jump into them without looking back! Fast(er) cars that will ultimately kill them. Richer food that will send them to, or back to WeightWatchers in an instant. Private Jets that will drain their pockets at the sheer stupidity of having ownership of something you cannot park in your driveway. Champagne-drinking which slowly but surely poisons them to death. New, “fecham” friends that do not know you or what you stand for and care even less. They are your typical “good-time” friends and will manifest when you need them most. (Note that “manifest” here is not a good word) So why do you want to be rich?

If I was thin…

Ok, let’s get there first, abi!!?