I guess that many people will be elated when they are acknowledged as "pretty". Most women for sure! They say that compliments always soften female "receivers". Like, suddenly they are no longer that mad at you. They begin to smile... Even begin to flirt with you. No wonder compliments are the ultimate toast line. "My God, is this how you look first thing in the morning? Most people I know need 2 hours before a mirror to get there!" That was one of the best compliments I ever received... Like say I never marry by dat time, I for follow the man waka!
When it is said to a plus-sized person however, it has a different meaning. It is judging you. When I left the training centre on Saturday a young participant walked by me and gushed, "You are so pretty!" I smiled. I smiled because I knew what she wasn't saying. I smiled because I had heard it so many times and in so many ways. That shocked acknowledgement that in spite of all those layers of fat, this fat person is still a looker! The statement sometimes comes with a sad smile that says, "How could you have let yourself go? You could have been so much prettier!" Then sometimes you realise that they say it out of real incredulous honesty, like, "Oh my God! You are STILL pretty (in spite of...) Their faces often betray them.
"But your face is still the same!" That's another kinder way of honestly addressing the overweightedness. A fellow plus-sized sojourner told me once, when justifying her decision to lose weight through surgery, that I could afford to still be upbeat and confident because, "Your face has stayed the same!" Another friend admitted that she and her friends were gossiping about me and they "realised" that I was fat because I have a face that I can STILL carry off confidently. (Can you imagine the discussions that go on about you when you are bust snoring somewhere and minding your business?!
My old friends from college were not as nice this weekend at our reunion. My friend Ekene, who prides herself with her bitchiness was honest. "Uloma, are you in there somewhere?" That was hilarious! Unfair, if you don't have a good sense of humour, but certainly original. Seyi warned me that "you no fine again!" But the refrain was, "Eh! Uloma figure 8, who would have thought you had all this fat in you?" Don't you just love real friends and honest communication? Not!
Flash back again to those who react to your pictures on Instagram and Facebook with, "Chaai, you are so photogenic!" My friend Ruky says that to me all the time. My sharp retort is always, "The camera de snap wetin im see, not so?" But I wince at what she is not saying. She's surprised, shocked even that I can still get away with second glances and admiring stares. Maybe even more than her, in spite of her slim, tight self. #StickingTongueOut
