DO THEY KNOW?

Deep in thought...

This caption reminds me, and I'm sure it reminds many of you too of that song, "Do they know it's Christmas?" Very deep song about the less privileged and how they are having their sad little times while you all are overspending and overwasting and overeating at Christmas time. But this blog is not about that or even about them... It's about the "they" that we find ourselves caring what they know, about us.

I was at the dentist last week and she extracted my top, right molar. She promised that it was the right decision because, "It has grown badly and is making you pack food in between teeth. Your toothbrush will never be able to reach them. Neither will your toothpick or even floss." She then proceeded to clean out the "pack" left by months of eating between the molar and the premolar. That was when I started daydreaming, well, wondering...

What are my teeth telling her? What telltale signs have been left behind? Can she see and recognize the small chops I had last week? Or the dodo I had on Tuesday? Perhaps she knows I had fried chicken again last night? Or that my Coke Zero was still a part of my life? Did she know that I had a bar of ToffeeCrisp in my bag even as we were undergoing the procedure? Saved for later celebrations? No, she wouldn't know that, unless she is a witch. And my darling Remi isn't. 

I wonder this way when I'm with doctors. Used to when I was younger, about teachers. Was I the only one that felt that all secondary school teachers were clairvoyant? They knew our every next move! They would tell you what you were thinking before you even thought it! And preempt your move before you consider making it! Growing up has taught me that they were just creatures of studied patterns. Majority of 15 year old girls, regardless of kith or clime tend to have the same impulses, urges and behaviors. Well, I didn't know it then so they were awesome... In a scary bad way!

I would visit my Gynae and wonder if the glint in his eye is saying, "I know what you did last night". Does he? Can he tell? I guess they can by examining us and fetching out some glaring pointers? Hmm. Not the pondering "hmm" but the disgusted, Igbo "hmm"! 

Sometimes it is your pastor or church brethren. Have you had instances when meeting their eye was a bit difficult because you were not sure what the Holy Spirit may have divulged to them before the meeting! Do they know?

My diet coach once said of one of my friends that she is in acute denial. She could tell that my friend never kept to her diets. She would sometimes even guess,rightly too, on what exactly this friend ate. LOL! 

Maybe they do!

HOW DOES THE TOILET KNOW WHEN YOU ARE DONE?

I’ll tell you something. Technology is slowly (or maybe very quickly actually) taking us to where we are yet to realise. You agree? Disagree? Well it doesn’t change the fact. The world is moving at neck-breaking speed to a life that nobody can even describe anymore.

So I finish my, err, business at the restroom at the airport and the flusher comes on. I muse again at the impertinence of such technology! There is something rude, and invasive even about technology that “knows your behind”!  And how well does it know your behind even? I mean does the signal read sizes and contours too? Do certain “behinds” set off the flusher faster or better than others?  Does it matter if you are a man or a woman?

I told a friend once that life is getting to the point when we will soon have no use for our feet. Why? The main motivation for continued civilization, and therefore innovation and technological development is how to make life easy(ier) Read #lazier. How to cook without slaving away in the kitchen #microwave. How to make children self-sustaining. #television #videogames. How to digest food faster #juices #smoothies. How to stay in touch and poular without leaving home #facebook #twitter. How to research anything and everything at a click #wikiedia #google #www. How to eat your cake and have it #stillbeingdeveloped J

The other day we had just finished lunch and I looked at my dh and said, “Sweetie, you have to consider putting a lift in the house. This staircase don de taya person!” To which he looked at me and said, “But you will still need to walk to the lift naah! Maybe what you need is a crane…!”

And we wonder why we are overweight…?

YES, I AM BEEFING! SUE ME!!! RUBBISH!!

And then she walks in…

That one you have tried to forget just so you can still lead a righteous Christian life. Seeing her evokes some unholy emotions that border on jealousy, envy and thoughts of murder, well maiming at least. She is that one that you love to hate because she represents everything (in your weight loss journey) that you want to be. She has been you and has known your struggles. She has tried and failed severally and has tried even more times until she has now become and maintained a perfect size 12, or ten.

Or is it that you hate to love her, for being the person you want to be? The success story that you have given up on being? After all, every dog has its day! Hmm, not sure that expression came out right. I guess what I really mean is, “Whenever a person wakes up is his morning.” The fact that she got up, one more time and got it right doesn’t automatically make it easier. My own “day of reckoning” will come. Some day!

She prances about seemingly gloating at you and the failure you are. You can read different things from her general body language. She looks at you and you read “judgment” in her eyes. She breathes and you read “disgust” in the flaring of her nostrils. Her mouth is the most explicit. When they turn up at the sides, she is laughing at you. When they turn down, she is sad at how incompetent you are at taking your life into your hands. When they turn neither up nor down, she is trying her best to keep a deadpan expression just so you can stay civil to each other!

She reaches out to you and you read her hands… No flabs! Nice firm Michelle Obama arms without any ounce of fat or celluloid. How does she do it!? And why is she flaunting it? Her tummy looks really flat and pulled in. You promise yourself it is just Spanx! Her hips betray the fact that she has been a mother 4 times and counting. Slim and sender. I remember when that wasn’t the case, when she and I competed for the “Hippo Bum-bum of the Year” and happily (?) traded places every year.

(SIGH)